If I am being honest, these year-end reviews are some of my favorite to have here on the blog. It is hard to believe I have almost a decade of life and memories cataloged here. From meeting Mark, to getting married, to building our home, having Levi, and now 2020 – it’s all here.
For many 2020 will be the year of the global pandemic. But for us, 2020 will forever be the year of Lily. The year God graced us with our sweet daughter.
I often questioned what the heck God was thinking bringing forth life in the midst of all of this craziness. As it turns out, God was right. He knew our hearts and our minds would need her to keep us from constantly feeling the chaos of the world outside. But what He brought forth in Lily has been so much more. She’s our light amidst the darkness, she is joy personified, she is proof of God’s faithfulness. Her little joy for life and smile that fills up the room are exactly what we needed these last few months.
We started 2020 off excited and hopeful as we had just found out I was pregnant. Those first few weeks were sort of a blur because I was so exhausted and physically struggling with pregnancy. It was really hard. Far harder than I ever remember feeling when I was pregnant with Levi. Mark got the opportunity to go to Brazil and Argentina in mid-January and of course, he jumped at the opportunity. He had an amazing time learning about soybean traits and breeding as well as enjoying all the Brazilian bbq and making new friends. I held down the fort with Levi. We got outside with our snowshoes, laid on the couch a fair amount, and sent Daddy all the photos while he was gone.
In February, Mark and I got away to St. Thomas for a week with friends. It was gorgeous and relaxing and pretty much everything you would imagine it would be – short of not being able to consume adult beverages. Shortly after we got back, our world was rocked by the pandemic, and life as we know it today began. We entered into Lent, ended up navigating virtual Mass at home, and celebrating Easter at home. Amidst the beginnings of all of that, we got to see Lily at my 20-week ultrasound and we also found out she was a girl!!!! I couldn’t believe it as I had always felt like I was going to have two boys.
Planting was delayed this year due to it being so wet and even then, we still didn’t get all of our acres in. It turned out to be a blessing in the year that I had a baby as Mark was home more than usual and prior to having Lily, we got a little more family time before we added a new member. I attended doctor appointments in the midst of the pandemic, in masks, and not allowed to have any guests. We visited Mark’s grandpa in the nursing home via a phone call and standing in front of the window. It all felt so strange, sad, and surreal. Even now, those feelings still linger.
Since we had nowhere to go, we basically spent all of our time outside. We planted trees in our yard, Levi helped me plant the garden, and I took on the task of landscaping our yard all while being extremely pregnant. The day before I went into labor, I was out pulling weeds. When we had lulls in the busy season of farming, we spent as much time together as a family of three and when Mark wasn’t there I soaked up every last moment and snuggle with Levi before my attention would be divided between two. We were able to take in a rodeo with Levi (he still talks about the bucking bulls), got some time in at the pool, and spent a lot of weekends having picnics at the park.
July 15th we welcomed our sweet Lily into the world. It was crazy and so beautiful. It was the day we became a family of four. We brought her home to Levi, he wasn’t too sure. But now none of us can imagine life without Lily. My parents were able to come and spend two weeks with us after having Lily, in the midst of the pandemic I have never been more thankful and grateful to have them here those first two weeks.
The beginning of August, churches had started to open up again and we were able to baptize Lily. The same priest who baptized Levi also baptized Lily in our home parish. It was such a beautiful and blessed day celebrating welcoming her into the Church. Shortly after bringing Lily home, Levi decided he wanted to potty train. Boy was that an adventure with a newborn but he basically trained himself and has not looked back.
In September, Levi turned three. I can’t even believe it has been three years. We celebrated his birthday with one of his favorite things: Lightning McQeen. On his actual birthday, we were able to take him to see the dinosaurs at the North Dakota Heritage Museum and spent the day together as a family. September 15th we had to say goodbye to Mark’s Grandpa Claude. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to the first generation and our patriarch, but he was also not thriving in the midst of the pandemic and so lonely. Now he and Grandma Katie have been reunited and I know he has plenty of people to talk to up there.
Late September, one of my dearest friends came to visit since our annual girl’s trip was not in the cards. We enjoyed a relaxing and low key visit together and I will be forever grateful she took the time to come up with everything that was going on. We enjoyed a long, gorgeous, and warm fall taking a lot of walks, exploring the outdoors, and Mom juggling two kiddos by herself while harvest started in October. Levi got some harvest time in this year – more than he’s ever gotten in his life thus far. For the first time, Daddy was able to come trick or treating with us because we were done harvesting by Halloween. We dressed up like pirates and had a jolly old time.
November we decided to road trip to California for Thanksgiving. On the surface, it seemed insane, a toddler and a baby on a three-day road trip in the midst of a pandemic. Turns out, it was a blast and one of the best decisions of the year. We enjoyed a week with my parents and soaking up the sunshine at their house. Levi had so much fun on our “adventure” and Lily did great too. When we got back, we jumped right into Advent.
This year I really made it a point to lean into Advent. To not force myself to rush into Christmas – I avoided everything Christmas. And instead I gave myself the time and space to be still and to process everything that has happened this year. I leaned in to more prayer and reading the daily Scriptures religiously. We started going back to Mass after a little hiatus. We spent evenings singing hymns and songs while lighting candles to count down to Christmas. It was perfect. And beautiful. And God showed up a lot in those little moments.
Writing all of this and sharing our highlight reel, it seems as if 2020 wasn’t marked by hardship, pain, anxiety, fear or that our lives weren’t affected much by the pandemic — spoiler alert, it was. It was for everyone. I still sometimes mourn the loss of life prior to COVID because I realize that I don’t believe life will ever be the same again. We missed out on a lot, we weathered a lot of emotions in our marriage, we carried a lot of worry and stress – just like everyone else. But in some way 2020 also managed to help strip down our lives. It gave us more time at home, together. It gave us more time to focus on what really matters in life. And I will say our family, our marriage, and our lives were greatly blessed by all of that hardship too.
But I realize that not everybody faired the same as we did in 2020. Many people experienced life-changing deaths, severe trauma, divorces, crippling anxiety, suicides of people they love, loss of financial security. 2020 brought a lot of hardship to so many people. As I sat down to write about this year, I re-read my wrap of 2019. I find it ironic that I wrote these words, completely unknowing of what 2020 would bring, but how fitting are they for the year we just experienced.
“As I get older, I am beginning to learn that nothing in life that is worth it comes without hardship. We all experience pain and difficult circumstances – we all walk in valleys at times. But it is through our perseverance, our ability to keep sight of our blessings and hold tight to trust even in the most difficult of times, that we become the best versions of ourselves. We stretch and grow more than we ever realized we could, and we built tenacity and strength in knowing that we can do hard things. But the icing on the cake comes in realizing that although hard may be universal, it isn’t permanent.So, my friends, I invite you as we bring in a new year and a new decade, make it a formidable one. Make it one where you leaned into the hard and the difficult and the icky feelings. Face it. Stumble. Cry some tears, maybe a lot of tears. But face it. Become the best version of yourself by letting yourself do hard things but know that hard isn’t permanent. There are always mountains at the end of a valley.”
I don’t think I could give better advice to wrap up 2020. Lean into the hard. Face it. Become the best version of yourself by letting yourself do hard things. But know that hard isn’t permanent (and hard is also not bad). Because there are always mountains at the end of a valley. 2021 may not be a mountain, and 2021 probably won’t change much in you, but it is important to face and acknowledge what you weathered in 2020 and take some resolve in the fact that you got through it – hopefully with glimpses of joy in the midst of it all.
Here’s to a new year, my friends. Let it be one where we seek true internal joy, hope, and peace amidst a seemingly ever-chaotic world. No matter what storms are raging outside of it all, may we strive to be the type of people who can still find joy, people who can still find hope in the hopeless, and who can bring forth a sense of peace when the world is chaos. I don’t know about you, but that is my wish for 2021 – not that 2021 will change me, but that I will find change in 2021.
Good riddance 2020. What. A. Year.
Thank you!