Discovering New Oceans

It seems like a day doesn’t pass that I am telling someone else about my move. Friends, customers, extended family, acquaintances. Somebody new finds out, everyday. And usually their first response is: “Well, what are you going to do out there?”

Now.. for those of you that know me, I tend to be rather type A in that I like to be in control of things. I like to have a plan, I like to be organized. I tend to be neurotic. So the thought of me moving to North Dakota without any sort of career plan, needless to say, freaked me out. Never in my life have I never NOT worked for a period of time. EVER. And although I have plenty of opportunities that have opened up to me as far as careers go.. I have yet to pursue one.

I’ve never been that type of person to aggressively pursue things in life. My thoughts have always been that if something is meant to be, it will come to me. Life will open itself up to me and make my path very clear. In fact, isn’t that kind of how I got into this situation I am in now?? Not that long ago, I wasn’t actively searching out a relationship or a boyfriend for that matter. And along came Mr. Sunflowerfarmer….

I can’t help but remember when he had made plans to come out here. My mind was made up that he was just a friend. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I think I even told him that. I knew that he made me smile, he made me laugh, and that he had kind eyes. I was looking forward to spending a few days with him but never did it cross my mind that this is the person I’d be following my heart for, the person I’d love like I’ve never loved… No, he was just a friend.

So to California he came. I picked him up from the airport we began talking. Instantly, it felt like I was picking up an old friend from the airport. Never was there any awkward silence. I noticed right off the bat that I felt unusually comfortable with him. This was odd, usually I’m shy, reserved. But he had me laughing and being my goofy self from the get-go. Throughout the course of that first night, we talked about anything and everything. Our families, our past, our past relationships, our future goals, everything. I marveled at how much passion we both had for life. When he talked about farming, those beautiful blue eyes lit up. And even though I had no idea what he was talking about, I listened. I couldn’t help it, he made me want to listen. I also noticed our passions for our futures were very much aligned so naturally, it was easy for us to discuss these things. And that night as I was drifting to sleep, all I could think about was how comfortable I felt with him. Never before have I ever exposed my true self to someone upon just meeting them.. What did this mean?

The next four days will be forever engrained upon me. They couldn’t have been more perfect. We spent them eating good food, taking in the fresh sea air on the coast, drinking our beloved Pendleton, laughing, talking, and enjoying each other. (See our trip here) In fact, I found myself not wanting those four days to end. But like the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And so it did. Mr. Sunflowerfarmer was on a plane on his way back to North Dakota and I couldn’t get him out of my head.

Now the moment we parted, he knew. I stirred something inside him and it wasn’t just lust. No this was something deeper. Something that makes you think thoughts of “forever” or as he describes it, “what he has been searching for his whole life”. I, on the other hand, was trying not to think about it too much. Afterall, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, remember? But I couldn’t help but picturing myself WITH him. Could I be a farmer’s wife? Could I live that life? I remember catching myself in those thoughts, Jenny, what are you thinking!? All I knew is that something about him was intoxicating. Whether it was his smile, his positive demeanor, his passion for life and agriculture, or just him as a whole, I had to see him again.

So even though I hadn’t realized it yet, life made up it’s mind for me. It brought him into my life and opened up opportunities all pointing towards him. After a while, there was no denying the fact that more and more I wanted him in my life and he kept being put there. And eventually, I came to the realization that whoa, I love this person. That realization hit me hard. But once I came to that realization, it all became very clear. It didn’t matter that not so long ago I wasn’t interested, this is the path I am meant to be taking. And so I jumped, both feet in, no looking back. I gave him my heart. All of it. In fact, even before I experienced HIS world, my mind was made up that with him was where I wanted to be.. No matter where that was.

So just like he was brought into my life, I am going to take the back seat once I move out to the prairies of North Dakota and enjoy the ride. I am going to get familiar with my surroundings. Take in all that the prairies of North Dakota have to offer. Cook for my farmer while he puts in long days in the spreader and later, the combine. Unpack and find my place in the house. Decorate and inject my touch into the house. Help his father, mother, and brother on the farm. Continue to do the things that I love: write and take photos. Be HIS ROCK as we embark on pursuing our dreams.

And Mark, I am ever so grateful in the fact that you are allowing me to do some self exploration when I first get there. I know that through this exploration, I will find MY place there. But right now, it isn’t clear to me. I am overwhelmed with what choice to make. And rather than hastily just choosing, it is clear to me that I am being given another opportunity. The opportunity of finding myself and my place in North Dakota. And that I should take it, regardless of how awkward it may make me feel.

So even though I may not have a 9 to 5 for a while, more and more I am becoming okay with that. In fact, Mr. Sunflowerfarmer ensures me he will have a long list of things to keep me busy. And you know what, I think that I will find out that once I am there, it will probably be a blessing that I am being given this opportunity. So I’ll take it. Afterall… “You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose site of the shore.”