Seeing the Light…

Life has this natural ebb and flow about it. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some days you’re just out there floating in the sea of life. Some days though it seems like you’re in the movie The Perfect Storm. And it’s at times like those, times where it seems you can’t catch a break or times where it seems like you’re having more downs than ups, you can lose perspective. It’s easy when we are tired, stressed, and down to get dramatic about the little things. About the things that in the big scheme of life don’t really matter. And that has been this week for me.

Now who knows what the exact reason, but the past week I have been moody, I have been cranky, I have been utterly tired, and I have just been overall feeling crappy. I attribute this to many things… I spent last weekend moping and sulking around. While everyone else was out enjoying Mother’s Day with their mothers, I was home alone, missing mine. And I should have cleaned, I should have started on some projects for the wedding, my list of to-do things was a mile long. But yet there I sat on the couch, crying, and feeling sorry for myself. Then the week started ย andย I started working full time as Maverick Ag is still beyond busy. I went from physically demanding work of wrapping meat all day at Chico Locker to being a part time home maker and part time secretary for Maverick Ag to full time, long days in an office at the computer the entire day. Well, apparently my body doesn’t adjust well to this. And it sounds crazy to me that you can hurt from sitting at a computer all day in an office, but you do. I had felt like someone was sticking an ice pick into the base of my neck. And it’s crazy to me how utterly tired you can be after a day of mental activity making sure you bill the correct farmers for the correct amount and variety of seed.

To add to the fire of my hard time adjusting to my new working pattern, I have a farmer for a husband to be. And it is planting season. For all the farmers out there, you know this means seemingly endless days. And for mine, this is no exception. And although I knew it was coming, it wasn’t like surprise! I’m gone all the time, it still made me cranky. I think my trip to California, although it was wonderful in every way possible, was badly timed along with planting. When I left it was still cold and my farmer was around a lot more then I come home from a week of being gone and it was a complete 180. I went from having my partner in life around to not around, eating our supper at a decent hour to eating at 10 pm, my whole night time routine got thrown out the window because the time I am usually cooking supper I was still at the office. I never knew I was such a person who liked routine until mine got turned upside down. And although I tried my best not to let my overall crankiness and moodiness show through to my hubby to be. I know he’s been working so hard and has bigger problems to deal with than an emotional woman by his side… He still could see right through it.

So yesterday, I had finally had it. It had gone on long enough. I was sick and tired of feeling this way. I was going to do something about all of this. In order to kick my body feeling like crap I decided to start up a yoga routine. To invigorate me, energize me, as well as allow me to spend a moment to relax. When I got home from work, I found a great yoga flow for energy and tried it out. And let me tell you, while I laid there after the 15 minutes I spent stretching was the most calm and relaxed I have felt both mentally and physically all week. I then got up, feeling refreshed, and decided to tackle our dirty house that had been looming over my head all week. I mopped our floors, cleaned both bathrooms, and did a general tidy up of our high traffic areas. It’s not perfect and it’s by no means spotless, but it’s one step closer. My farmer and I enjoyed a nice supper together, we talked, we laughed, and we even got a few moments to spend on the couch together. Where I ended up falling asleep. This never happens. Usually I lay awake in bed at nights because I have trouble sleeping. For me, it’s amazing what cleanliness and removing clutter can do to my mood. I think I get that from my mom. ๐Ÿ˜‰

This morning I got up early enough to fit in a morning yoga routine. And again, I am feeling the best I have felt all week. I am awake, not dragging, not cranky, not moody… I am beginning to see the light again. And today, I am reminding myself of all my blessings. I am alive, I am healthy, I have a job, I have a roof over my head. But beyond all of that, I have an amazing man in my life whom I love unlike any other, who is my best friend, who is extremely hard working, a man who has built a business from the ground up and has so many successes to look forward to thanks to his hard work. He’s positive, he’s kind, he makes me laugh, and he loves me unconditionally, even if I am cranky and moody. And the best part is that in less than four months I am marrying that man.

I have an amazing family with a mother who is my best friend, a father who is the person I look up to most in life, and a brother who is becoming a pretty amazing young man. Not to mention my aunts, uncles, and my wonderful grandmother. Come September, I will be welcomed into a family that is just as amazing. A mother and father-in-law that I couldn’t have chosen better myself. And for the first time in my life, I will have sisters! Two sister-in-laws to be exact. I cannot wait as our two families become one and we are all together in September to celebrate.

I could go on and on listing and counting my blessings. But the most important part is that, I am beyond blessed to be living the life I am. And now that I look back on this week, it seems so silly to have been so dramatic about those small things in life. But.. it happens. It happens to the best of us.ย Sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective, change in routine, or giving yourself a good kick in the butt.

And this weekend, I have plans to do mostly indoor things if the projected rain blesses us with its presence. I will hopefully tackle some wedding projects, finish some of my cleaning & tidying projects, bake a pie using my new pie dish, meal plan for next week, and if the weather breaks hopefully I will get out with one of my many cameras and spend some time in photography land. Just me, the camera, and nature.

We will see what this weekend brings, but whatever it brings, I will be walking into it with my head up, a smile on my face, and closing the door on the awfulness that was this last week. Happy Friday friends! And please tell me I’m not the only lady who loves a farmer who feels this way sometimes… Or that I’m not the only one who needs a change in perspective… What do you do to give yourself a kick in the butt and change your perspective on life?

Photo May 12, 7 36 02 PM




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  1. Aunt Carol
    May 17, 2013 / 11:33 am

    You crack me up. I found myself crying when I finished your blog. Your an amazing Woman, you have grown up so much wisdom. Your right get up and get going, it’s a choice. Always know I think and pray for you daily. Mothers Day was fun but we missed you so much. Mom and I took ride on cart and laughed and cried we miss our girls. I don’t care how old you get you will always be our little girls. Just stay growing and busy and laughing a lot and time will go by fast. You have a great life ahead of you with Mark. Just enjoy the ride and embrace each moment and learn from each new day. So proud of you and I am always here for you, just a touch away. Love you have a great weekend, tell Mr Mark not to work too hard. Love you aunt Carol

  2. May 17, 2013 / 11:34 am

    You are most definitely not the only lady who loves a farmer who feels this way, Jenny! The switch from the winter putzing to the spring frenzy does a number on me. When I was feeling physically and emotionally exhausted last weekend, I grabbed my camera and took a little walk outside. For me, looking at the world from the lens of a camera helps to change my perspective. I tend to notice more of the beauty in my surroundings – how can that not put you in a better mood?

    • May 17, 2013 / 2:23 pm

      Carolyn- you speak my language! I need camera time. Bad.

  3. May 17, 2013 / 11:51 am

    Same here. I get to feeling cranky some days too, especially when an unexpected job comes up and changes the plans at the last minute. Usually I run off stress, but lately when this happens I feel too crappy/gross to run so I go for a walk with my dog. She has a way of bringing everything back into perspective as weird as that may sound lol

    • May 17, 2013 / 2:22 pm

      I wish we had a dog! Someday when we move out of town I plan on getting a pet! I do think a pet would help with all the loneliness! Plus it would give me someone besides myself to talk to! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. May 18, 2013 / 10:15 pm

    Amen! Not only is having him not around tough, but when you’re working fulltime also, it’s just another level of crazy! I try to make myself go for runs, or paint if I can squeeze it in. We also try to make a point to do date night every week if the schedule allows, it’s a great time for us to reconnect. And I’d love if you pass along the yoga routine you use! Hang in there, the busy times don’t last forever!

    • May 20, 2013 / 10:24 am

      Candace- thank you for your comment! It’s always good to know you aren’t the only one who has felt this way! I did end up doing crafting projects all weekend. It was relaxing and re-inspired me to paint and use a hot glue gun like a crazy woman! Hooray for wedding projects!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. May 19, 2013 / 10:36 am

    Whew…after reading this, I am moved to reach out to you (like I would if you were my kid sister) and simply say: You are not alone. You, me and countless of other women live this crazy, exciting, ever-changing, yet rewarding life and are experiencing many of the things you are. If we haven’t, we will. In fact, now that I’m living this life full time, I’ll be returning to blogging soon. Don’t be surprised if a future post of mine simply says: “What Jenny said.” Although it’s virtual, the online community of women involved in agriculture ensures we are not alone; there’s real comfort in that. Thank you for sharing!

    • May 20, 2013 / 10:24 am

      Leslie- Amen! I love that I have a virtual community of ladies who know EXACTLY what I am going through! And we’ve got to stick together! I see so many women who get into squabbles over being a “farm wife”. Call it what you will, the situation still doesn’t change! Rather than get into arguments over what to call ourselves, let’s boost one another up and give encouragement when one of us is feeling down. Thank you for your comment! I am thanking God for rain this weekend, I got to spend most of the day with Mark! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. May 27, 2013 / 3:09 pm

    great post!!! i’m actually enjoying your blog! thanks for the writings that kind of move me forward on a few things. I get to see my wife moody and sort of going through your ordeal as well. I can tell you the flip side is challenging but well rewarding. Enjoy Memorial day and hope your farmer and you get to enjoy some time together more often!

    • May 27, 2013 / 3:16 pm

      Thank you!!! We actually had a day date yesterday!! It’s true that it is a tough life. But it’s something we are passionate about and something we love! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. June 1, 2013 / 4:58 am

    I enjoyed your post, I’ve recently starting meditating and making the mind more quiet to concentrate on more of the blessings and wants in life. So easy and it does make you feel so good.

  8. June 5, 2013 / 4:43 pm

    I know what you mean! Not exactly, but I do. I grew up with a “single farmer’s wife” mom and now my husband is juggling a full-time town job and starting farming and house building. I am a single mom most days! I have my little man, but its not always the same and I’m lonely at times too. But I love your idea of doing yoga. I have plenty of time after the little guys goes to bed to relax myself. I am definitely going to try this as I have been feeling down and sluggish lately.

  9. December 27, 2013 / 6:06 pm

    I just happened to stumble upon this post at the perfect time. I could feel myself falling into the same moody slump, but after reading this I’m determined to change that. In fact, I think I might go do some yoga stretches before heading out the door ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for sharing!

    • December 30, 2013 / 4:30 pm

      Awesome! I am so glad to hear that! Yoga is amazing for clearing your mind and re-setting!