I have written many, many times about the struggle that is being married to a farmer. I was so excited when two of my dear blogging friends (Old Blue Silo & Nurse Loves Farmer) shared their own personal struggles with farm life. Both wrote two very different posts, but through both came love, support, and empowerment from our fellow woman. Whether you take my musings as a hand reaching out saying you are not alone or as a call for help, that’s up to you. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.
What I do know is this… There is something very empowering about writing about where we struggle as wives to farmers or even farmers ourselves. It sounds silly, but don’t they say the first step towards recovery is admitting you’ve got a problem? There is something very powerful about putting it out there, for all to see, where you struggle. There’s something powerful about admitting and realizing that we aren’t perfect. We all share that same human experience just as we all can share the grace and love that comes from our good Lord.
With that said, there is a difference between expressing where you struggle and plain and simple complaining. There is a difference between admitting your failures and blaming those problems on someone else. So what’s the difference? The difference lies in our hearts. The difference lies in the words that come out of our mouths. The difference lies in thoughts that play over in our minds. When they become toxic, that is the difference. How do our thoughts and words turn toxic?
It usually goes something like this…
First I get annoyed.
Farm life is full of unexpected things. “He said he was going to be home.” “But supper is hot right now and he’s late.” “ANOTHER weekend of not seeing him for more than 1 hour a day?”
Then I get offended. I get my feelings hurt because I am too quick to take offense. I make it into a me versus him situation when it is not like that at all.
“If he really cared, he would make it a priority.” “If he loved our family, he would have been here.” “I shouldn’t have to expect this, he should just do it.”
Then during those late nights and time spent alone… I replay it in my mind. I get emotional. And if I let it, it consumes me. It quickly poisons my mind.
Eventually, it poisons my mouth. I lash out to my husband and speak my mind. I say things I don’t mean to the person I love more than any human being on this Earth.
Maybe you can relate to this. Please don’t take this example situation the wrong way. It is just that, an example.
I am a woman who loves my husband deeply and try hard to live out the commands given to me in the Bible to be a Godly wife, I try hard to live out the vows I said to my husband on our wedding day.
But I am also a wife who struggles to live out those commands. When I am feeling poisoned, unloved, hurt, or annoyed by my husband, I try hard to remember this:
When we let negative, toxic, and hurtful thoughts invade our minds, our mouths, and our hearts, we start to lose sight of the important things in life. We can also start to lose sight of our faith. I wrote several weeks ago about how the farm refreshes my soul. It brings me back to a quiet place where I can visually see God’s blessings around me. I can pray for all those things in my life I struggle with. I can thank and praise the Lord for this life He has given me. It is a beautiful visual reminder and since I am a visual person, I am immediately overwhelmed with joy and happiness. All from a farm visit.
While that may work for me, for others it may not be possible. Maybe you have kids you must attend to at home. So what else can you do? How can you keep those toxic thoughts and words from penetrating our minds and our mouths?
We can pray. Pray for your husband. Daily. Prayer is powerful. It has the potential to change lives, heal the sick, and bring people through heartbreak we cannot even imagine.
Ladies, whether you are a farm wife or just a wife. (Afterall, we ALL struggle in our marriages). I want to share these six prayers with you. I was emailed them through Proverbs 31 Online Ministries daily devotion. And I knew the minute I received them, I needed to share them.
- Father, give my husband a discerning heart to know Your great love for him and the great plans You have for him and our family. Plans to prosper and not to harm, to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
- Father, give my husband the mind of Christ, saturate it with godly wisdom. Help him to take every thought captive that is not in obedience to Your Word, and in so doing protect him from pride and temptation. (1 Corinthians 2:16, 2 Corinthians 10:5)
- Father, open the eyes of my husband’s heart to understand Your Word, so that he won’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind so that he may know Your good, acceptable and perfect will for his life and our marriage. (Romans 12:2)
- Father, help my husband to trust in You with all his heart, not depending on his own understanding, but acknowledging You in all his ways, so he knows what direction our family should take. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
- Father, may the favor of the Lord rest on my husband. Bless and establish the work of his hands and his heart. (Psalm 90:17)
- Father, help us to live together in perfect unity by loving, honoring and respecting one another and serving each other for Your glory, honor and praise! (1 Thessalonians 5:13)
When we choose to replace those toxic thoughts and words with prayer and the word of God, we are asking God to go to work on our marriages. We are asking for a softened heart, a more understanding mind, and in turn showing love and respect to our husbands which is what God calls us to do.
Know, that you are not alone in your struggles. You’ve got a whole army of women who understand and are here to listen, but most importantly you have the good Lord in your corner. So speak to Him! take these prayers my friends and use them! Put your faith in our good Lord and he will be faithful to honor his Word. It just takes us believing in Him. And guard your heart against toxic thoughts and words, for all you do flows from it.