Dear New Farm Wife

Dear New Farm Wife

Are you dating a farmer? Having thoughts that you may not make it as a farm wife? Not sure if marrying a farmer is for you?

This one is for you. All of you who may be doubting this life. You are not alone. Even the most seasoned of farm wives experience doubt, isolation, and periods where we just want to give up. I went on my Facebook and posed a question… 

If you could give a new farm wife one piece of advice, what would it be…

Here’s what farm wives from across the country had to say…

Be encouraged by this advice new farm wife! Realize that there is a place for every wife in a farming operation, whether it be in the field alongside your husband or in town at a full time job. We all have a place and play a part in this beautiful life. Most of all, cut yourself some slack. We’ve all been where you are right now. 

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20 Comments

  1. Ashley
    October 2, 2014 / 11:08 am

    Love these words of wisdom! All sooo very true! I’m I guess a “seasoned” farm wife, going on 9 years married anyway, and it still has its challenges every season, every year, but every year it becomes a little easier, it really does! Our love seems to blossom more during the hard times, it brings us closer when our time is few and far between. 🙂 Thank you for the article! With harvest starting up full speed it was nice to look at all this advice and nod my head!

    • October 3, 2014 / 2:48 pm

      Gives me hope to hear wives tell me about how they fall more in love with their husbands or that with time, marriages can get easier! 🙂 Thank you for commenting and sharing!

  2. October 2, 2014 / 11:41 am

    These were so good! I cracked up at the one about “All new levels of dirt”. Oh, is that ever so true. While I am no longer on a farm – my husbands trade is running a tree service company. The amounts of tree bark and dirt that come into my home is astronomical. My second favorite quote from above – don’t learn anything or you’ll be a hired man. HAHAHAHA. Yes, yes, yes. That is my aunt. She was a beautician. Now she’s the hired help. But, she honestly loves it. 🙂 Good post, Jenny!
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    • October 3, 2014 / 2:47 pm

      LOL. The dirt comment cracked me up! Ain’t it the truth! I think the hired help one is sort of the “advice of the past”. You don’t get many young farm women saying those things anymore because they are looking to get involved, which is wonderful! But at the same time, I would hate for any wife to be forced into anything. There are always solutions and help can always be found. 😉

  3. anjanette
    October 2, 2014 / 12:28 pm

    You need to send this to the new contestants on the next “The Bachelor” … vying for Chris the farmer’s heart!!

    • October 3, 2014 / 2:45 pm

      HA! That would be AWESOME if they picked it up!

  4. Nicole
    October 2, 2014 / 7:00 pm

    Definitely a wonderful post! I am on my way to marrying my best friend. I have my days were I am down because I haven’t talked to him all day and I just want to be there. Makes it all better when I see his name on my phone or those weekends where I spend all day in the field with him. Thank you for the advice and words of encouragement!

    • October 3, 2014 / 2:44 pm

      Thank you so much for reading and sharing! 🙂 I am fortunate that my husband does like to stay in contact with me even on days I don’t see him. It helps!

  5. Jean
    October 3, 2014 / 3:20 am

    Was married to a farmer 25 years. Worked hard on the farm even before we married. He was a harvester so was gone from our farm most of the summer and part of the fall, leaving kids and me at home to take care of the farm. The year the last child graduated I learned he was leaving me for a girl in her early 20s – he claimed I never did anything on the farm and never supported him, like this ‘new’ woman would. Hmmph! Surprised him though, when the judge awarded me half the farm! So now I have a new life, a new love who appreciates me, and freedom to enjoy life while he has a new wife who apparently does NO farm work because she has several small children to care for. So, no matter what you do sometimes, a farm marriage or any other is not going to last. It takes two both working on the marriage to keep it going. However, most of the advice here is good advice. My advice though, is to keep your own identity, don’t allow yourself to become just ‘the farmer’s wife’. Get and keep credit in your own name. Set it up so you are a farm employee so you can have Social Security earnings in your name, too. Also, keep a stash of money just for you. You never know when you might need it, as I learned during the divorce. HE was able to have control of all the farm money, even to the point of putting his girlfriend on the account, while I was allotted a monthly stipend to live on until all was settled. You can not depend on a judge allowing you to share the funds! No one wants to think of divorce, especially when you love your husband, but it’s better to be prepared for any contingency, believe me. Good luck to all you farmwives – it IS a great life and I hope all of you make it to that 50th or 60th or longer anniversary!

    • October 3, 2014 / 2:42 pm

      Gosh Jean, I am so sorry to hear about your story. I am glad it all ended up well. You give some great advice here! Thank you for reading and commenting!

  6. Lynne
    October 3, 2014 / 10:36 am

    I grew up on a farm and have been married to my farmer for 37 years. Our son is a farmer and has been married twice to young women who couldn’t take the farm life. I wish they could have read, and followed this advice before they promised to marry my son for better or worse, in good times and bad. He is a wonderful man and would have made a great Dad. Sadly, I believe he has given up on marriage at 34. My advice, get involved with the farm and have open honest communication with your husband. He can’t read your mind even though you think he should. Make friends with other farm wives, you will need girlfriends! It’s a great life but it does take patience and understanding.

    • October 3, 2014 / 2:42 pm

      I am sorry to hear about your son! I share in hopes that these messages will reach someone out there who is struggling! It isn’t an easy life by any means and you are right, it takes a lot of communication and expressing your thoughts. But it can be such a blessed life!

  7. October 8, 2014 / 1:55 am

    About all I can add to this is:- Avery good blog post Jenny. I’ve never been a farmers wife but was a farmers girl and all the comments hit right at home; so to all expectant, new & soon to be “Farmers wives” pay attention to these comments for they will serve you good in the long haul!!…

  8. Kaitlyn Charles
    October 16, 2014 / 6:46 pm

    Thank you for this! I have been dating my farmer for 4 years and we have talked about marriage a lot. I have a hunch that he bought an engagement ring lately and this just shows the support the farming community has!

    I love the comment about gusting being involved. I have a full time job off of the farm and I am a graduate student, so I am pretty busy. But, my favorite thing to do with my time off is farming. Firm bringing them dinner during harvest to feeding baby calves- doing it together makes it better!

    • October 23, 2014 / 11:02 am

      How exciting!!! I am so glad you found this!! It helps to know you aren’t alone! We were all there once and guess what, you will make it! 🙂 I love this post as well because it shows there are varying degrees on what it means to be a farm wife and only you can define what is right for you and your marriage!! Best of luck to you! I’m always here if you need to chat!